


Wait For Me

by theearlymorningmist



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Bisexual Dean Winchester, Castiel in the Empty (Supernatural), Castiel/Dean Winchester First Kiss, Dean Winchester Loves Castiel, Destiel - Freeform, Emotionally Hurt Dean Winchester, Hurt, Hurt Dean Winchester, Inspired by Orpheus and Eurydice (Ancient Greek Religion & Lore), Love Confessions, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, The Empty, Tragic Romance, cas/dean, dean/cas - Freeform, post 15x18
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-18
Updated: 2020-12-18
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:00:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28155723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theearlymorningmist/pseuds/theearlymorningmist
Summary: Dean goes to The Empty to barter for Cas' freedom. If Dean can lead Cas out of The Empty without speaking or turning back, Cas is free. But if not, Cas will be lost forever. Dean is determined to save the man he loves.(Inspired by the myth of Orpheus and Eurydice, and 'Wait For Me (reprise)' from Hadestown.)
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 21
Kudos: 87





	Wait For Me

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry not sorry? This one hurt.

Dean hastily filled rounds into his gun, his hands shaking like it was the first time all over again. He wasn’t even sure a gun would do anything against something like the Empty, but he knew he had to try.

Now that everyone was back and God was defeated, Dean couldn’t keep it together anymore. He couldn’t put aside his own selfish wants and ignore the way his lungs burned with every inhale. Like if he took one wrong breath, the hallow pit in his stomach would swallow the rest of him in one wretched gulp.

Ever since Cas…-ever since _then,_ there had been a consistent burning behind Dean’s eyes which threatened to pool over and reveal just how broken and desolate he felt. He should be happy, they had won after all. But how could he ever be happy, or even remotely okay in a world without Cas in it?

“Dean you can’t just go to the Empty!” Sam argued, his voice tight. He had seen that look in his brother’s eye before. It was the same look he got whenever someone he loved died. Reckless abandon of all hope, and a quiet apology too. Sam knew that there was a very real possibility that Dean might never come back from this trip. Or if he did, and he was alone… Sam wasn’t prepared to lose his brother like that. Not after everything.

“You don’t understand, Sam.” Dean croaked out, tucking the gun into the back of his jeans.

“Then explain it to me, Dean. _Please_.” Sam begged. “What happened the night the Empty took Cas and Billie?” He was sure that Dean hadn’t told him the whole story. Sam wasn’t stupid. It didn’t take much looking to see what Dean and Cas meant to one another.

“I can’t, Sam.” Dean swallowed heavily. “I can’t. After everything he—” the man sat down on the edge of his bed, hanging his head, like even just existing was painful for him. “He has to—no, he _deserves_ to hear it first. He has to know.”

Sam sucked in a breath, worry etched across his face. “Promise me you’ll come back.” Sam asked, desperately. “No matter what happens with the Empty, promise you’ll come back in one piece, Dean.”

When Dean finally lifted his face to look at Sam, the younger man felt his chest constrict painfully. Dean didn’t need to say anything, Sam could read it in his eyes. His brother would make no such promise.

“No!” Sam shouted. “You’re not going there- not like this! I’m telling Jack this whole thing is off.” he exclaimed, turning to exit the room. Before Sam could comprehend what was happening, Dean had him in a painfully tight headlock.

“Sorry Sammy.” Dean muttered, as he waited for his brother to lose consciousness. He laid Sam down gently, careful of his head, before walking out the room in a waking haze of pain and determination.

If Jack was suspicious of why Sam wasn’t coming with Dean on this journey, he didn’t question it. Or maybe he just saw the look in Dean’s eyes and knew that there would be no arguing. This was something Dean needed to do, and he needed to do it alone.

“I can get you in, but after that… You’ll have to find your own way out, if there is one.”

“That’s a risk I’m willing to take.”

Jack nodded, and Dean couldn’t help but notice that he was no longer the kid he once was. His eyes swirled with wisdom, duty, and power. He didn’t need them anymore.

“Good luck, Dean.”

It felt like every atom of his body was being torn apart and smashed back together. When Dean landed on his feet, he collapsed to the ground, clutching his chest. It felt airless, and yet he wasn’t choking, and all around him was the blackest black he’d ever seen. His every movement as he tried to stumble back to his feet echoed through the infinite space.

He wasn’t sure which direction to walk, hell, he couldn’t even see which direction was which- everything was just silence and darkness. With a shuddering breath, Dean took his first step, and just kept on walking.

After a while he wasn’t even sure if he was still in a body. He felt like he was floating, unable to tell where the darkness ended and where he began. Until suddenly, an image appeared ahead of him.

_“Why does this sound like a goodbye?”_

_“Because it is.”_

Dean ran, reaching out for Cas, but the image was gone before he could get near it. He turned around, desperately, looking for any other sign of life. Far, far in the distance another dim light stood out in the emptiness. Dean trekked on through the darkness towards it.

When he got closer, he remembered the scene- it was Purgatory, after their fight.

_“Cas, I need to say something.”_

_“You don’t have to say it. I heard your prayer.”_

As the scene disappeared another appeared further away again. Dean swallowed heavily. “You’re trying to lead me somewhere, right?” he called out, words echoing around him. “Fine. I’ll play.”

He kept walking.

It felt like hours, and then days, and after that Dean lost track. Every once in a while a memory appeared to guide him in the right direction.

_“Nothing about our lives is real.”_

_“Dean…You asked what about all this is real? We are.”_

_….._

_“How long was I gone?”_

_“Too damn long.”_

_……_

_“I could go with you?”_

_“No, no, no. I gotta do this alone.”_

_….._

_“I prayed to you, Cas. Every night.”_

_“I know.”_

_….._

_“I’m not good luck, Dean.”_

_“I’m sorry but I’d rather have you. Cursed or not.”_

_…….._

_“That’s pretty nice timing, Cas.”_

_“We had an appointment.”_

_“Don’t ever change.”_

_….._

_“It’s the archangel! I’ll hold him off- I’ll hold them all off. Just stop Sam!”_

_……_

_“You ask me to open that door and walk through it…You will not like what walks back out.”_

_“For what it’s worth…I would give anything not to have you do this.”_

_……_

_“Who are you?”_

_“I’m the one who gripped you tight and raised you from perdition.”_

Dean’s hand ghosted over his shoulder where Cas’s hand had first marked him. The gentle touch turned into a painful clawing as Dean shook his head. “Alright, we made it all the way back to the beginning. Now what?” he asked, looking around.

When he received no reply, Dean got angry. “What after all that you’re not even ganna show your face, you sick son of a---”

“—Testy aren’t we.” the Empty spoke, appearing in Meg’s body. Dean let out an imperceptible sigh of relief. He wasn’t sure he would be able to face the thing if it had used Cas’ face.

“You know why I’m here.” Dean stated.

Meg’s face smirked. “Boy do I ever,” it chuckled. “You know, this place isn’t as silent as it seems. If only you could hear… It’s filled to the brim with all the pain and regret of every single poor little creature in here. Care to hear?”

Before Dean could react, the Empty snapped its fingers and a scream tore itself from Dean’s throat as he fell to the ground, desperately trying to cover his ears. He had never heard such a horrible sound before. There was no other way to describe it than the song of pain incarnate.

“And you know what plays on repeat again and again and again, screaming louder than all the other kiddies?” the Empty asked, silencing the noise once more. “Dean, Dean, poor Dean, I’m sorry Dean, Deanie Dean Dean!” it mocked.

“C-Cas..” Dean choked out, still regaining his bearings.

“Bingo.” A chair appeared from out of nowhere, and the Empty slinked down into it. “Honestly it seems like the two of you caused each other more misery than anything else.”

“That’s not true!” Dean snapped, eyes hard.

“Isn’t it?” the Empty sat up, meeting Dean’s intense gaze, unblinking. “Did you learn nothing from that little walk down memory lane? Those were some of you and Cassy’s strongest memories of each other. Notice how almost all of them were positively soaked in pain?”

Dean swallowed heavily, letting out a steady breath. “That doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter how messed up things have gotten, or how many times we’ve betrayed each other. Because we’re always there for each other in the end.”

The Empty laughed. “Well, not anymore you aren’t.”

Dean’s chest constricted. “You want to bet on that?” he asked, voice dangerously serious.

The Empty narrowed its eyes, scrutinizing the man. “Give it up, boy. There’s no more cards to play, nothing to offer, nothing to take. It’s over.”

“It’s NOT over!” Dean shouted. “Not yet.”

“This isn’t entertaining anymore, Dean. In fact it’s getting rather pathetic.” The Empty drawled. “You have no power here. I could throw you from this place without even blinking.”

“Jack would send me right back.”

A sneer worked its way onto The Empty’s face. “Then I’d trap you in the darkest, furthest reach of this place, forever.”

Dean managed a weak but still cocky smile. “You hate noise. Or so Cas told me. So you see, whether you hide me away, or Jack sends me back over and over, I won’t stop saying it.”

“Saying what?”

Dean’s smile grew. “I won’t stop telling him I love him until he hears it. I’ll shout it for the rest of eternity if I have to. But he will hear it. Eventually.”

The Empty’s eyes grew colder, if that were possible. It threw out a hand and Dean went careening through the darkness, landing hard. He groaned in pain, recognizing the feeing of broken ribs. Before he could catch his breath, the Empty was upon him again.

“You think you can threaten me, boy!?” It stepped on Dean’s ankle, twisting, forcefully until Dean screamed out in pain.

“You—You can’t put me to sleep. I’m not an angel or a demon. I can…keep you awake forever.” Dean gasped out, curling in on himself in pain.

“You’ll have a hard time speaking if you’re too busy screaming.” The Empty promised, sending Dean flying again.

This time when he landed, Dean started coughing up some blood. He clenched his fist and forced himself up, obstinate eyes meeting the lifeless orbs of the Empty as he opened his mouth. “CAS!” Dean shouted, voice hoarse. “CAS I’M HERE! I’M HERE AND I’M NOT LEAVING UNTIL YOU HEAR WHAT I HAVE TO SAY!”

A powerful kick to Dean’s jaw temporarily silenced him. “Shut. Up.” the Empty hissed.

Dean spat out some blood, turning to look at the Empty again. “Never. Not unless you give him back.”

“You want him back so badly huh? You think you’ll declare your everlasting love and the two of you will run off into the sunset together? It will never work out. Look at your history? You think you can change this pattern?”

Dean’s face twisted into a frown.

“Two broken toys, destroying themselves over and over to try to fix the other. There is no other ending, Dean. There is no happily ever after.”

“I don’t care!” Dean growled, slamming his fist against the ground. “I’ll take the pain, the suffering, the sacrifice. I’ll take all of it. I’d rather be miserable for all eternity than happy alone, so long as he was there.”

There was a long pause.

The Empty seemed to be reading Dean’s face with silent intensity. After what seemed like forever, it finally spoke again. “Your love for him will always be your fatal flaw.”

Dean continued to stare the Empty down, unflinching.

“Fine, it’s your life. Far be it for me to stop you from ruining it even more.” The Empty agreed. Dean’s heart dropped in his chest. “But I require a little more entertainment first. Call it…compensation.”

Dean forced himself to his feet, unsteady. He kept his weight off his ankle, which was surely broken. “What do you want?” he asked, struggling to keep his voice steady.

“You have to walk out, the same way you walked here.”

That walk had felt like weeks, but Dean nodded in agreement. He had no other choice. “Deal.”

“Ah, ah, ah. I’m not done yet.” the Empty smirked. “You walk out first, leading the way. You can’t turn back or speak to Castiel the entire time or the deal is off.”

“What?” Dean questioned, confused.

“He’ll be able to speak to you. But he won’t be able to reach out to you, or see your face.”

“What’s the point of it?” Dean asked, suspiciously. “How is this entertainment?”

A blood curdling laugh rang through the darkness. “Misery, boy. Misery. It’s what you asked for, isn’t it?” The Empty stared Dean down. “Now…Deal or no deal?

Every inch of Dean’s mind was screaming that there was something wrong with this deal, that it was a trick. But he had no choice. He had to accept.

“Deal.”

The Empty smiled. “Follow the light. Don’t look back. Don’t speak.” It began to melt away into the darkness, disappearing. “Good luck.” A disembodied voice spoke, before the Empty was completely gone.

A light appeared in the distance, telling the man which way to go.

Suddenly a voice came from behind him, causing every muscle in Dean’s body to stiffen.

“Dean?” Cas questioned.

Throat burning, Dean forced himself not to reply. He started walking, limping and wincing in pain as he willed himself to move quickly. The quicker this was over the better.

“Wait!” Cas called again from behind him, jogging to catch up. “Wait for me.”

Dean forced breaths in and out, keeping his eyes fixed on the distant light as he struggled through the darkness, trusting that Cas was following.

“Is it really you Dean?” Cas asked, voice cracking. “I don’t know this memory, so I must be awake.”

 _‘It’s me_ , _Cas!_ ’ Dean thought. _‘Trust me.’_

“Or is this some new torment you’ve thought up for me?” Cas wondered, his defeated voice breaking Dean’s heart. “Is it supposed to be some kind of lesson? Forever following behind Dean Winchester, never beside him. Never his equal. I know that already.”

 _‘Dammit Cas! How could you think that?’_ Dean thought, tears burning in his eyes.

“The silent treatment is new. You were more of a talker last time you tortured me, Empty.”

_‘It’s ME, Cas!’_

Dean could hear Cas let out a heavy sigh. “Even if you aren’t him…I’ll still follow. If it means I could see his face again…”

They continued walking in silence for a time. Dean could only hear his own footsteps echoing in the silence, so he had no way to know if Cas was even still with him. He could only hope.

His pace had gradually slowed as the pain in Dean’s ankle grew worse. He wanted nothing more than to stop and rest, but he was sure that would count as breaking the deal, so he forged ahead.

Suddenly, from the silence, Cas spoke up. It startled Dean so much he almost turned around, but he caught himself in time.

“Are you the real Dean?” he asked.

 _‘Yes, Cas! It’s me!’_ Dean screamed in his head.

“If it is you…please turn around. Please, I…I feel like I haven’t seen you in centuries, Dean.” Cas begged. “Please look at me.”

Dean bit the inside of his cheek until he tasted blood.

He didn’t know how much longer was left to walk, but it had already felt like days of silence before Cas spoke again.

“It seems like something the real Dean would do… Try some stupid plan to save me…Probably try to fight the Empty with a gun if he could.”

Dean almost laughed at that. He was just so relieved to hear Cas’ voice again. Or at least he was…

“But that was before everything…. Before Jack, before Mary, …before I-I told him.”

_‘Cas, you idiot! I forgave you for everything!’_

“There was a time, a long time ago, when Dean Winchester trusted me. When we were allies, friends. He might have felt the need to save me from this place. But if Jack was successful in defeating God…and Sam and Dean were finally free… There’s no reason for him to save me.”

_‘What the hell are you talking about, Cas!? Of course I’d save you! Freedom doesn’t mean jack-shit without you!’_

“It’s for the best that my story ends like this.” Cas mumbled before falling silent again.

Dean had never wanted to scream so badly in his life. _‘What do you mean? For the best how? Cas! Keep talking you asshole!’_

To Dean’s despair Cas didn’t speak again. They walked further and further still. They must have been getting close to the end by now, or at least Dean hoped so. It felt longer this time.

“I really was happy you know.” Cas finally spoke, causing Dean’s heart to skip. He had missed that voice. “Telling Dean---” he hesitated, “—telling _you_ that I loved you. It meant everything. I never thought I’d get the privilege to know someone as truly _good_ as you, Dean, let alone be allowed to love you- even from a far. Speaking those words was the highlight of my entire existence.”

_‘Just you wait, Cas. You’ll hear it back. We just need to get out of here first.’_

“I know that I don’t deserve you. I know you could never love someone…something…like me. You’re Dean Winchester. The righteous man. What am I? I’m not much of an angel, not much of a human either. I’m just…nothing.”

 _‘You’re everything to me!’ _Dean cried, silently. _‘Just hold on a little longer, buddy. We can do this. We can get out of here. And then I’ll make sure you never think so little of yourself ever again.’_

Dean heard a heartbreaking noise, and he knew that Cas was crying. Behind him in the darkness, the love of his life was crying, alone, and thinking that he could never be loved back. No wound could ever hurt so much as how Dean’s heart felt in that moment.

“Is it selfish to…to wish I could see your face one last time? To see those eyes? I know I’ll never hear you say those words to me, and I’ve accepted that. But if I could see your eyes one more time, I think I could make it through eternity in this place.” Cas begged. “Please, one last time?”

Hot tears streamed down Dean’s face. His pace slowed to almost a crawl, but he forced himself to keep moving. It was no longer the Empty that he wanted to hurt for doing this, it was himself. He was the one who had made Cas feel like he was worthless. He should have done more when they had the time. If only he hadn’t been so angry and full of his own pride.

“Dean? Please.” Cas cried, quietly.

There was a heavy silence before Cas gave up.

“I’m going to let go now, Dean. I can’t keep following you. It hurts too much.” Cas explained.

_‘No! We’re so close! You can’t give up now! You can’t give up on us!’_

“Goodbye, Dean.”

“Cas, no!” Dean shouted, turning around.

He was met with tearful blue eyes, wide with surprise.

“Dean?” Cas gasped, in shock.

The ground around them began to shake.

Dean held Cas’ face in his hands tightly. “Cas I love you!! I’m so sorry I didn’t say it before. I love you. I always have! You do deserve me, okay? And you do mean something. You mean _everything._ ” He explained, desperately.

“Dean!” Cas cried, smiling and blissfully unaware of the impending suffering.

“I’m so sorry, Cas.”

The smile fell. “Why?”

Dean leaned forward, pulling Cas toward him. Their lips met in a passionate kiss. Dean’s hands melted into Cas’s hair while his arms wrapped around the man tightly.

The ground began shaking even more violently.

“Dean, what’s happening!?” Cas asked, pulling away. He saw the pained look in Dean’s eyes despite the smile on his face. He was still beautiful. Still Dean Winchester.

“I won’t give up, Cas.” Dean told him. “So don’t you give up either.”

“I don’t understand—”

Dean kissed him again, once more, before the man disappeared from his arms. Dean let out a broken whimper as he fell to the ground.

In front of him, a pair of boots appeared. Dean dragged his head up to look at the Empty, smirking through Meg’s face.

“Tough luck.” it sighed.

Dean reached out, grasping onto Meg’s legs.

“P-Please,” he begged, voice barely a whisper.

“The rules are the rules…you can’t say it was rigged. You just lost, fair and square.”

“P-please, you’ve got to give me a second chance. J-just one more.”

“A _second_ chance?” the Empty questioned, voice soft. “Oh you poor thing… how many times have we been through this whole event? Every time you think it's going to be different.”

“W-what?”

The Empty leaned down so it was face to face with Dean, holding his jaw tightly in one hand.

“Sam gave up holding out hope you’d come back years ago, Dean. But you could still go back. You just have to finally give up.” It wiped Dean’s tears with a thumb. “Hasn’t hundred of times taught you already? He’ll always give up, and you’ll always turn back. Just give up, and I’ll send you home unharmed. I promise. You can see your brother again, meet his kid. You can be at peace.”

Dean pulled away roughly. “I don’t want peace. I want Cas.”

The Empty stood, sneering down at Dean.

“Is all this pain really worth it? For what? One moment with him before I tear him away again? Wouldn’t it be easier to break already?”

Dean forced himself to his feet. “It’s worth it. Like I said. Eternity of misery.”

The Empty’s eyes narrowed. “You’ll break. Eventually.”

Dean held the gaze. “Again.” he demanded.

The Empty sucked in a tight breath. “You know the rules.” it sneered, gesturing to the distant light.

Dean wiped his face and waited.

“Dean?” he heard the familiar voice from behind him.

He started walking.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Please comment or click kudos if you get a chance <3  
> I have two other Destiel fics: 'Take Care of You' and 'Dean Doesn't Like Cats'


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